{R.14} Rockabye

I haven’t written anything for this journal of mine for a long while, though I’ve tried on multiple occasions and saved the drafts. I’m working on a few stories and I have plenty of ideas in my head, but for now it’s time for just the typical ramble of inner thoughts.

I’m listening to Rockabye on repeat. I don’t care if its official name is just Lullabye. I’ll call it Rockabye.

I’m just chilling in the lounge. My hair is still wet from a shower and its everywhere. I should probably be doing something more productive than merely writing, oh the irony, but for now, it’s good enough.

I’ve been in a mood lately, and I don’t like it. I haven’t felt like this for years - so why has it resurfaced now? Now of all times when it seems I’d be perpetually happy for all the time to come? Maybe that’s why right there: nothing good can last forever, can it.

It’s a nagging sadness and an itching flare, an itch to scream at anyone and simply not care. Things that shouldn’t matter do and things that do matter are thrust into the back seat. I want to run the aggression out, barefoot down the pavement. Somehow, though, I feel like it’d be frowned upon. Case in point: why does it matter? Who cares what other people think? When did I start caring whether or not what I wanted to do was approved of by general society?

I guess that’s just the thing. I’m starting to care. I do care. Maybe that’s what it is, a self-imposed repression that I’m subconsciously fighting against. Ha, imagine that.

I can’t even seem to focus on this post, let alone anything. That kinda sucks considering I have a lot of work to do this week in addition to a double whammy. My immune system picked the perfect moment to fail. Not.

On the plus side, London was absolutely amazing. I never thought I’d fall in love with a city, but London was more amazing than I expected in just that it was so simple. A lovely little city. A simple little city. Quaint. Peaceful. I want to go back already.

I actually want it to be summer. I want to be home, with the trees, the warmth of the sun with ticks leeching off of me. I want to swim in the water, splash in the stream and pick wildflowers until the sun goes down. But, I also have to get a job, probably two, and little of any of that will probably happen. Oh well, a girl can dream.

Everything is gonna by alright, rockabye…rockabye.

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